I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
