he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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