Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
