$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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