did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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