Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
