dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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