VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
