therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
