she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
