I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You made out with two different species that night
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
