So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize