i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
