i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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