I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize