idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
