Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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