My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
