he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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