That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
sex in a hospital.. check
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
