Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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