Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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