ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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