girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
