the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize