the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
