My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
