Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
