And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
