4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize