wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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