He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
