I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
