Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
