Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
