I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
