The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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