One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
