I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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