so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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