yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
