R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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