Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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