So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
