Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
