The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
