Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
