I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
