just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
