I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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