Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
