Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
