dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
