sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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