i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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