It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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