Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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