Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
