Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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