I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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