I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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