Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
