Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
