My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
