My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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