Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
