it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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