there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize