Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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