I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
