If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
