ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Operation Purity has been aborted
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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