OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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