I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
