Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
They took my balls.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
