She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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