Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
