woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
