i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
