btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
