i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
