I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Randomize
