marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
