What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
