Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
