Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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