I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
