I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
