Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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