Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
