When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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