listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
