Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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