hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
