At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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