her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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