I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
