tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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