Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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