Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
