you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
